Twists.

Life is full of fucking surprises. I don't have the answers anymore. I don't and i can't, for the life of me, know what's gonna happen tomorrow. And i hate it!

I used to know. I just don't anymore.

So in my fuckedupness i see myself at a fork. I wish i could travel both and know what each yields, but i can't. I have to pick one. Now i can't decide. I'm torn between my heart and my mind. I'm taking more and more time and the longer i take to decide, the more complicated it becomes. With the added delay, the two paths start to fade and there emerges another, third path - a path that i will eventually be forced to take because i couldn't make the decision when i had the choice.

This probably seems a bunch of random crap right now but let me explain further and then perhaps you can understand what it is that i am facing.

Path 1:
This promises excitement, adventure and is even dangerous. Its a risk and a big one at that. There could be two possible endings at the end of this road - either things would end up as absofuckinglutely fantastic or they'd be as bad as the worse i've seen in my life. I don't know for sure how this would end.

Path 2:
This is the safe path. Filled with mundane-ity, this is nothing but mediocre. i don't know how this one is going to end, except that there's going to be no great reward or major pain.

Path 3:
Now this one is what i'll have to swallow if i don't choose b/w 1 or 2. I have no freakin' clue except that i won't be able to run from it. I'll have to accept it.


So there you have it, what do i do?
Should i listen to my heart and follow wherever my passion leads me, or do i settle for mediocrity? Or do i resign to what i'm being forced to accept?

If only i knew ..

Of bad days and Murphy.

its been a bad day. the kinda day where from the moment you wake up you know that everything's gonna be down right shitty! in Murphy's words 'everything that can go wrong went wrong' but in the royal shittiness that was today i actually managed to discover something new about myself and it actually made my day.

single life is quite the interesting. each new day bring something new and the freedom of it is something that i'm still deriving much pleasure from. its remarkable how i'd forgotten to live like this. the free soul. i've always been in favor of free will and the free spirit. did a lotta crazy stuff just 'cus i wanted to. the human 'want'- its way underrated.

Blah.

It's been a a long while since i last posted here. Feels kinda odd in a weirdly comforting manner to be writing here again. I should write here more often, it used to lighten the load.

Anyhow, i'm graduating in a few months now. It's true. I actually am graduating. I've put this off for as long as i could but i can't do that anymore. To be honest, i'm scared. LUMS in all its bittersweetness has been a sanctuary for the past so many years and leaving it is not going to be easy. The world outside scares me. The real world. The practical world.

I'll be working for a while. I don't know where or doing what. I don't even know what i wanna work as. All i know is that i have to work. So many years of college and this is what i know as i graduate. Kinda shitty.

Really shitty.

never thought i'd curse the day i met her ..

She said to me, over the phone
She wanted to see other people
I thought, Well then, look around. They're everywhere
Said that she was confused...
I thought, Darling, join the club
24 years old, Mid-life crisis
Nowadays hits you when you're young
I hung up, She called back, I hung up again
The process had already started
At least it happened quick
I swear, I died inside that night
My friend, he called
I didn't mention a thing
The last thing he said was, Be sound
Sound...
I contemplated an awful thing, I hate to admit
I just thought those would be such appropriate last words
But I'm still here
And small
So small.. How could this struggle seem so big?
So big...
While the palms in the breeze still blow green
And the waves in the sea still absolute blue
But the horror
Every single thing I see is a reminder of her
Never thought I'd curse the day I met her
And since she's gone and wouldn't hear
Who would care? What good would that do?
But I'm still here
So I imagine in a month...or 12
I'll be somewhere having a drink
Laughing at a stupid joke
Or just another stupid thing
And I can see myself stopping short
Drifting out of the present
Sucked by the undertow and pulled out deep
And there I am, standing
Wet grass and white headstones all in rows
And in the distance there's one, off on its own
So I stop, kneel
My new home...
And I picture a sober awakening, a re-entry into this little bar scene
Sip my drink til the ice hits my lip
Order another round
And that's it for now
Sorry
Never been too good at happy endings...


- Ghost Track, Pearl Jam

strange lovers.

they always love each other. but love is the strangest of emotions. centuries have passed and yet no one has been able to pen down a concrete definition. love. it's just strange. and these lovers made it even more strange.

the strangeness of their love estranged even the strange strangers who saw them. they were one, yet remained two. the reason was simple, divided they stood, united they fell. this strange concept seemed strange to everyone. no one could really comprehend the simpleness behind this absurdity. yet they did. however, even they had there moments of weakness and of doubt. they just couldn't be with or without each other, which created a rather delicately intricate scenario. there were times when he would want to hold her and caress her lips with his own. and there were times when she would want to lean on him and have his warmth warm her up. however, neither did what they wanted to. they'd just share small moments, each with him/herself while the other either pretended not to notice it or just didn't notice it. such was the strangeness that they shared. yet the strangeness of these strange lovers was simply not strange. these were lovers who were being content with whatever they had, with whatever they could get. these were lovers who thought too much and didn't know any better.

strange, some people might call them.
much too much in love is what they are.


DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fictional. Any resembelance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

More days like this one.

'Tis been a good day. A great one infact.

Dholki, Footballin', Cameras, Pistol, Photography, Mangoes, Play, Random Cuteness, Friends, and ...

And to top it all off, France defeating Brazil in the quarters. A magnificient show of class by Zidane who's shown why he is the daddy at ball control and why no one else will ever come close to him. And then a sublime Henry goal to add to it that little bit of extra something special.


Thank you.
More days like this one.
Please.

ing.

laughing. smiling. hating. leaving. staying. saying goodbye. laughing. smiling. running. paining. panting. falling. getting up. twisting. passing. moving. stopping. crying. hurting. hugging. smelling. feeling. messing up. understanding. conflicting. praying. cursing. playing. adoring. kissing. supporting. advising. flirting. jumping. missing. being. commemorating. celebrating. taking. giving. asking. denying. lying. stating. sending. receiving. holding. letting go. caring. wishing. amazing. breathing. failing. succeeding. hoping. craving. saying. listening. working. worrying. looking. hiding. showing. seeing. watching. typing. driving. bruising. scarring. resisting. giving in. dancing. cheering. singing. posing. pretending. faking. smoking. killing. rejuvenating. reinventing. deciding. tripping. snapping. signing. clicking. ticking. blinking. beating. happening. unhappening. saddening. pricking. pinching. dreaming. wanting. having. sleeping. remembering. longing. yearning. wondering. wrapping. unwrapping. exciting. aging. kicking. punching. yelling. screaming.

thinking. dying.



living.

the kings.

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

- Bridge over troubled water, Simon & Garfunkel